Will Grigg writes a Letter Home from Heimatsicherheitsdienst Camp

Liebe Mutter und Vater:

They let me wear a really neat uniform, and told me how it would set me apart from everybody else.

Just think: When I’m wearing the State’s uniform, I’m essentially untouchable — literally: Any common citizen who touches me in any way can be charged with “aggravated battery.” I can demand to see anybody’s ID at any time, and arrest those who refuse to show me their papers; in fact, I can even arrest those who cooperate, if they ask to see my ID. And if someone tape-records me during the performance of my duties, I can arrest him and charge him with a felony! How kewl is that? …

If I injure or even kill someone who isn’t qualified to wear the uniform, I’ll get the benefit of every doubt, and a panel of my co-workers will probably determine that I acted according to established policies.

Heck, as a policeman, if I gun down some unarmed guy who was mentally incapable of following my instructions — or even if he was following my orders, and I was the one who goofed up — chances are I’ll either be completely exonerated, or suffer a wrist-slap faint enough to be all but undetectable.

As a cop, I can put a lethal chokehold on a small adolescent girl, or kill a guy with an 84-second Taser blast, or even be caught on video shooting some guy in the head for no reason — and not have to worry all that much about the consequences.

There is this one kid who seemed to think it was wrong for local police to get money from Washington, as if that were somehow important. And when somebody pointed out that fighting terrorists sometimes means using their methods, this kid said: “Wasn’t the credo of the German S.A. ‘Terror must be broken by terror?'”

“Hey, that sounds about right,” our instructor replied.

Whoa — did he own that kid, or what?