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The Pentagon Made F-35 Performance Tests Easier

by | Feb 24, 2013 | Stress Blog | 6 comments

Because “it’s too heavy and slow.”

Via Laurence M. Vance:

“The Pentagon’s pursuit of the Lockheed Martin F-35 stealth fighter jet has been a heartbreaking one. If you’re a tax payer, the program’s estimated $1 trillion price tag probably breaks your heart a little bit. If you’re an aviation enthusiast, the constant whittling away of the do-it-all aircraft’s features, which in many cases actually amounts to adding weight and taking away maneuverability, must hurt a little bit, too.

“If you’re just an everyday American, though, you should be downright shattered that after a decade and a fortune spent, the F-35 will actually be more vulnerable than the aircraft it’s replacing. At this point, the Pentagon is literally rewriting its rulebook so that the dumbed-down super jet will pass muster.

Oh, but don’t worry because actually the engine is a complete piece of shit which literally cracks under pressure, and so the whole damn F-35 project has been suspended.

In other new-fighter jet-ripoff news, earlier this week an F-22 test pilot was vindicated from the Air Force’s previous accusations that he was at fault for getting killed in a crash caused by their faulty oxygen system. (The family still can’t believe the government would betray one of their own.)

Oh, but don’t worry. The U.S. government is paying Lockheed 7 billion more to fix the F-22s up real good for you (no word on whether they’ll finally just let these pilots have a tank and a hose like everyone else).

And at least we can take heart that the F-22s are completely useless in the 7 wars we’re currently fighting. For now they wait for the never-ending Cold War to finally get hot.

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