05/23/13 – Dean Cameron – The Scott Horton Show

All right, y'all.
Welcome back to the show.
I'm Scott Horton.
This is my show, The Scott Horton Show.
Next guest on the show today is Dean Cameron.
You all know him as Chainsaw from Summer School, and you all probably know him from a lot of other movies, too.
I'm not as good at movies as you guys.
But anyways, he's also the power behind the Bill of Rights Security Edition.
That's securityedition.com.
Welcome to the show, Dean.
How are you doing?
Never better.
Thank you for having me.
I feel sort of incongruous being on your show, because you usually have really smart people.
But thanks for having me.
You're pretty smart.
You came up with this thing.
Yeah, I guess so.
A flash of brilliance, maybe.
I got to tell you, man, the movie Summer School, that's part of my life.
I don't know what year that was, but I remember seeing it in the theater down at the Showplace 6 there.
And it was great.
And the two horror movie guys, they were hilarious.
They were what made the movie.
And you're one of them.
I'm half of that duo, yeah.
And man, your website is even called, Hey, You're That Guy.
That's my life every day.
Aren't you?
Were you that guy?
Yeah, I'm that guy.
Sweet.
That's so cool, man.
That is cool.
That is cool.
Here's the deal.
Basically, this is like an infomercial kind of an interview sort of a thing, man.
I want to get people to buy little metal Bill of Rights from you at securityedition.com.
I would, too.
Yeah, I think that's a good idea.
Buy a lot of them.
Yeah.
Yeah, a lot.
Could we explain what they are, you think, maybe?
Yeah, yeah, go ahead.
Yeah, yeah.
So it's the Bill of Rights printed on a playing card sized piece of metal.
And it's sort of an art project tantrum, rage against the machine, impotent sort of thing.
And the idea being, you go to the airport, and it sets off the metal detectors.
And you get to say to the TSA guy, here, take my right.
And it proves absolutely nothing.
And it sort of pisses other people off in line, because then you get checked, and they get mad at you.
But it sort of satisfies something very deep inside of you.
And I think it's a cool thing.
Yeah, I mean, the thing of it is, if you've got to fly, you got to fly, what are you going to do?
You already made the decision when you got in the cab that morning, when you parked your truck in the lot, that you're putting yourself through this thing.
So you might as well have something smart-alecky to say on your way through.
Yeah, exactly.
You have to have something fun.
Give yourself an extra 10 minutes for the cavity search or whatever.
But it's cool.
But what's amazing about it, which is probably almost everything you need to know, is they don't actually set off every metal detector.
So the metal detectors aren't even standardized, which is, it doesn't matter anyway, because they're not going to, anyway.
Yeah, well, because they make you go through the naked scanner anyway.
So what is a magnetometer worth?
Right.
But those aren't even, it doesn't even matter, because don't get me started, Scott.
Well, hey, so can you tell us about, have you gotten any good fights with the TSA over these things?
Well, actually, early on, one of the guys said, I said, here, take my rights.
And he said, after he finished and realized I wasn't a terrorist, he handed it, said, here's your rights back.
And he said, that sounds pretty funny, huh?
I said, no, not at all.
Why don't you keep it?
You need it.
And he said, I can't keep this, sir.
I can't keep these, sir, because they can only keep laptops and cell phones.
Well, you know, I guess the bright part of that story is the guy can read.
He knew what it was that he was looking at, huh?
Yeah, that's true.
He'd heard the name of such a thing, the Bill of Rights.
Hey, everybody.
Hey, sit right there and listen to this awesome skit that Dean and I did.
Oh, man, I'm late.
I sure hope I can make my flight.
Stand there.
Me?
I am standing here.
Come here.
OK.
Hands up.
Turn around.
Whoa, easy.
Into the scanner.
Ooh, what's this in your pants?
Hey, slow down.
It's just my Hold it right there.
Your wallet has tripped the metal detector.
What's this?
The Bill of Rights.
That's right.
It's just a harmless, stainless steel plastic bag.
It's just a harmless, stainless steel business card sized copy of the Bill of Rights from securityedition.com.
There for exposing the TSA as a bunch of liberty destroying goons who've never protected anyone from anything.
Sir, now give me back my wallet and get out of my way.
Got a plane to catch.
Have a nice day.
Play a leading role in the security theater with the Bill of Rights Security Edition from securityedition.com.
It's the size of a business card, so it fits right in your wallet.
It's guaranteed to trip the metal detectors wherever the police state goes.
That's securityedition.com.
And don't forget their great Fourth Amendment socks.
Hey guys, I got his laptop.
All right, well, great.
Thanks for calling me out.
I'm apparently a liar when I say it's guaranteed to trip the metal detector.
Nope, the metal detectors aren't standardized at all.
Yeah.
It's a hit or miss kind of thing.
If they ever make a sequel to Summer School, I think it's you and me.
We're a new duo.
I think we should do it.
That was great, wasn't it?
I actually don't think that was the best take of me.
But we did so many.
And who wants to go back through them all, right?
But you can kind of tell I'm reading lines.
I could use a little practice, I admit.
But it was fun, though.
That was real fun making that, yeah, for sure.
And the thing is, we got to do more all the time because, or else people are going to get really bored.
Because it's pretty funny the first few times.
But I don't know how well it's going to turn into shelf life.
All right, well, so, hey, man, tell me this.
I could have swore that when I went to the Libertarian Party Convention in Atlanta in 2004, where I met Anthony Gregory and I interviewed Ron Paul in person and all these things happened and Karen Katowski was there and Jim Bovard.
Anyway, I think somebody gave me a security edition metal bill of rights there.
Was that not you?
I think I would have noticed if Chainsaw gave me the damn thing there.
I spoke at that convention.
You did?
Harry Brown was there.
Yeah, Harry Brown was there.
And that was the Batneric year, I think, right?
Right.
Yeah, yeah, I got a picture of me and Harry from there.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I spoke there at the final.
I guess that is where I got it from, was from you, or from maybe just somebody who got some from you.
Yeah, I was there.
I was handing them out.
And Mary Ruart, they were doing some fundraising thing.
And I said, here, take 50.
And she auctioned them off or something.
I don't know.
But yeah, that's cool.
I didn't realize we'd met.
Yeah, I didn't realize that either.
I don't know.
And in fact, for years, I've lamented that I lost that damn thing.
I never knew what happened to it after that, because I really meant to keep it in my wallet and make a thing out of it.
And then, of course, this whole fortuitous turn of events came around and whatever.
And now I know of them.
And now I have one in my wallet.
I gave the rest away at the speech I gave in San Angelo the other day.
But now I have one.
I'll send you some more.
Yeah, well, and also, now they're better, because the first ones, they had sort of very sharp corners.
And they tended to tear up wallets.
Now they have rounded corners.
So they stay in a wallet for a long time.
And I also, if you're not as confrontational, I also have luggage tags, which just have the Fourth Amendment on them.
And my wife came up with the idea of socks, which I think is great, because you've got the Fourth Amendment on your socks.
And again, it's sort of an impotent protest.
But it's sort of nice.
People like the socks, too.
Right, I mean, it's a little something, is all it is.
But that's fair enough.
And in fact, that's the part I hate the most, is everyone taking off their shoes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, we all got bombs in our shoes.
Give me a break, so stupid.
What's amazing about the whole thing is they solved the problem.
Once they secured the cockpit door, game over.
That's all they needed to do, because no one was ever going to do anything in the cabin again.
But like all sort of state programs, of course, they can't just stop it and say, mission accomplished.
They've got to grow and spend billions of dollars and continue on.
Because no one is ever going to hijack a plane again.
Yeah, they can't, because the passengers will no longer believe that they're going to Cuba and they'll be home for dinner or whatever.
They'll know that this is, I must put my hands around that guy's throat right now.
It's my last chance.
I don't have a knife, because they took my pocket knife.
All I've got is this four ounces of toothpaste to squirt in the guy's eyes.
And meanwhile, apparently Al-Qaeda can bring down your plane if they just turn on their cell phone during takeoff.
Who knew that?
And then they announce that on every trip.
Hey, Al-Qaeda, turn off your cell phone or you're going to crash the plane.
Yeah, because criminals always obey the rules.
That's what they do.
Oh man, yeah, like the box cutter control laws on the flight 77 there.
All right, well, so listen, the other thing about this Bill of Rights on the little metal thing is it's just very permanent.
You can't wad it up like a piece of paper and it's just a cool little Bill of Rights.
And so maybe even if you don't want to try to pick a fight and draw a bunch of attention to yourself as you're getting on an airplane, it's still a cool little thing to have anyway, I think.
Maybe we're beating a dead horse now.
It's a substantial little piece of metal.
I mean, it's not too thick or heavy, but it's a nice, I mean, it's a nice little thing.
I spent some time getting it made, you know.
I wanted to do it right.
You know, and it came about because I was, I'm going to drop a name.
I'm friends with Penn Jillette.
And right after 9-11, I'd flown and it was just this horrible experience.
And I was whining to him saying, you know, someone should make a, print the Bill of Rights on metal.
So when you go through the thing, it sets off the metal detectors.
Then I thought, I said to him, I could do that.
And he said, I think you should.
So I'm just going to, yeah.
And they actually, Penn and Teller, have their own branded versions of it.
And they use the Bill of Rights Security Edition in one of their tricks in their show in Vegas, which is really cool.
That is cool.
I had no idea about that.
Right on.
Hey, you know, you ought to ask him to do an episode of BS there about the empire and whether it's keeping us all safe or whether it's destroying our society.
The show is not on the air anymore.
Oh.
Or on the cable, yeah, unfortunately.
Oh, that's too bad.
I watched, see, I never had show time.
So I one time downloaded like seven years, I think, worth of it.
And I quit watching it at the point where I was tying the noose and ready to throw myself off of the second floor of the apartments there.
Boy, talk about how to destroy your faith in the future, the present and future of humanity.
That show and the things that people are desperate to believe, it's just, oh, it just kills me.
But it also always really killed me that they never would take on the wars.
I thought that was pretty unfair for a show called Bullshit, you know?
Yeah.
But you know, I guess if you're Pendulet, you got a lot of soldiers who are your fans and so you want to not hurt their feelings by telling them the truth about their job.
Well, they did some military stuff.
I don't know, they did something sort of like that.
Not too hard-hitting, but I think they treated them.
Well, I didn't see them all.
Like I said, I did quit because I just couldn't take it anymore.
If I was Pendulet, I think I would have just like dug a hole in the ground and went to hide in it, which it would have to be a pretty big hole because he's a pretty big guy.
But people are so stupid, Dane, it's unbelievable.
Well, yeah, but, you know, I do this other, I do this other sort of internet theater thing where I corresponded with a Nigerian scammer for a year.
Oh, yeah, I want to see that.
Angela Keaton said it was awesome.
Yeah, oh, that's right, yeah, she came to see it.
And I, yeah, and I, one of the things I learned, because I, we performed it at Bunko Cop conferences and stuff like that, and I've talked to victims of these crimes.
And the thing about, we can't blame the victim, you know?
So if people are stupid, people believe something, it's not necessarily they're stupid, it's just they believe something that we don't.
Because I think that everybody believes something that someone else thinks is ridiculous.
That's true.
You know, because it might, like my friends here in Hollywood think I'm crazy because I'm not a Democrat, you know, I'm a libertarian, I guess, and whatever that means.
But, you know, so they think I'm crazy, I think they're crazy.
So I try to keep my faith level high in people because generally people are good.
I think stupid people, they're like bad boob jobs and toupees is you really only see the bad ones.
Right.
You know, there's no- Yeah, no, you're right, you're right.
And of course, I mean, really, that's the bottom line of that show, right?
Is here are very good, decent people.
They could be your brothers and sisters, and yet they really believe in the power of magic rocks and they believe in pretty much anything.
So you're right, it's not a matter of stupid, but it is, like Alan Bach said, people need to believe in something.
And for some people that means anything, really, you know?
Right, yeah.
And there's a, right now, I think there's a lot of belief in the state and even with the TSA that the state is gonna protect us.
You know, when I started the Bill of Rights, how's that for a segue?
I started the Bill of Rights, just about everyone I knew thought I was crazy for doing that.
Because the narrative at the time was, you know, we need to do something and the government can protect us from these people.
And there are these people and all of that stuff.
And it just, and through the years, that's changed and people have understood that the TSA is rotten to the core.
But you know, we all believe something that someone else thinks is ridiculous.
That's sort of my point with the Nigerian show at the end.
Right, and now, well, you already told me the end, but don't say it now.
But I wanna see that.
Okay.
Is there, wait, can people see us right now in LA?
No.
But you said you're coming to Austin.
Houston or something?
Someone's trying to bring us to Austin and I'm gonna actually send this to them and maybe they will get on this dick and make that happen.
Because yeah, we tour around a lot, but we haven't been to Texas.
That'd be cool.
Yeah, I should probably like do something nice for the wife, like take her somewhere or something, so.
Maybe you should do that.
She deserves the long-suffering bride.
Yeah, exactly.
Suffering is definitely the word there.
Poor dear.
All right.
So listen, man, thank you very much for sponsoring the show.
I really appreciate that.
It's not much of a show, but it is what it is.
And I'm trying to make it a little bit better.
I think it's one of the finest podcasts and shows, because I know you're on the radio too, that there is, Scott.
I really, I mean, when I first heard it, I just sort of shot in my head just how eloquent you are and how passionate you are.
I think it's wonderful.
So I wish I had more money to just give to you because I would like to just sponsor you in life.
You know what I mean?
Well, include me in the next summer school sequel.
Yeah, sure.
I'll be the substitute one day or something, you know, a little cameo.
Yeah, okay.
All right.
Thanks, Dean.
I appreciate it, man.
Well, sure, Scott.
Thanks a lot.
Oh, also, Scott, there's a discount code, by the way, Horton, if you put in Horton, you get 10% off.
You know, I never say that because there's really no place to put it in the spot there.
Maybe on the next one, we'll include that.
Right.
Okay, so Horton is the, and you get how much percent?
10% off?
10%, it's not much, but.
Yeah, yeah, no, that rules.
I mean, we're talking about something that doesn't cost much in the first place there, so.
Yeah, yeah.
Okay, hey, listen, man, thanks again, Dean.
I appreciate it.
Appreciate it, too.
All right, everybody, that is the great Dean Cameron, chainsaw from summer school, and the power, the inventor behind Security Edition, Bill of Rightses at securityedition.com, and you can get Fourth Amendment socks, and you can get Fourth Amendment luggage tags, things like this.
That's securityedition.com for a little metal Bill of Rights, and then also check out his own personal website there, deancameron.com.